


Safe and Sound

by BastardSirius



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-13
Updated: 2016-11-13
Packaged: 2018-08-30 18:41:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8544811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BastardSirius/pseuds/BastardSirius
Summary: Sirius and Remus have had a painful past but are now finding comfort in the middle of war





	

**Author's Note:**

> Lyrics are from Safe and Sound by Taylor Swift.
> 
> On a separate note: I would love to have a beta if somebody has the time and patience to put up with me. :) I often find that after I write something I will re-read a month later and find so many mistakes or poor wording etc.

Remus had never been seen by somebody that wasn’t his parents or Madam Pomfrey right after the full moon before. He’d always had some shred of dignity when he strolled into the dormitory from the hospital wing. Now, though, now his friends were seeing everything.

 

They had already known about him for a while by then, but this was the first time they actually came to the shack to see him afterwards. He felt so exposed and his body has rigid with fear.

 

But as he looked at the concerned faces of his friends, he couldn’t help but also feel relief. They seemed worried but not of getting hurt. They were staring at his scars and wounds, not the completely wrecked furniture and walls. They were scared _for_ him, not _of_ him.

 

He could trust them, completely. They cared for him.

 

* * *

 

**I remember tears streaming down your face**

**When I said, "I'll never let you go.”**

 

It was towards the middle of fifth year when Sirius finally convinced Remus to go out with him. During another one of their arguments about the subject, Remus finally said what he had been thinking the whole time:

 

“I can’t go out with _anybody_ Sirius, not just you. You know I like you already, from my diary which you read - thanks for that invasion of privacy by the way - but I can’t date.”

 

“I don’t understand _why_ Moony? If you’re worried academically I can cut down on some pranking time and-”

 

“It’s because I’m a werewolf,” Remus said coldly.

 

“What?” Sirius seemed genuinely confused. “What does that have to do with anything?”

 

“I’m a werewolf, Sirius. There are many things that come with it and many things that it takes away from me. Family is one of them.”

 

Sirius thought about the letter that Remus had received on his fifteenth birthday. His parents had sent him a letter officially declaring him an adult. Fifteen was the youngest age it was allowed for a wizard to be on their own but it was only allowed under special circumstances. Almost always because the wizard wanted to leave their parents. But of course the ministry had understood Lupins’ issue and allowed it to be initiated by the parents.

 

Remus’ mother still wrote to him, but Sirius knew the letters upset Remus more than encourage him.

 

“I’m not your father, Remus.”

 

“What does it matter? I’m a werewolf. I can’t have human things,” Remus was crying quietly now, his voice cracking, “Soon enough we’ll graduate and I’ll lose the one thing that keeps me sane - my friends - for ever.”

 

Sirius walked up to a trembling Remus and held him. Not flirting, not expecting anything back, just offering support.

 

“I’ll never let you go, Remus.”

 

* * *

 

 

Sirius was holding Remus tightly as he sobbed, whimpering. Remus didn’t make a sound, muscles tense underneath Sirius’ embrace.

 

It had been two days since The Incident. Remus had been kept mostly under sedation both due to the severity of his injuries and also because a lot of decisions had to be made and he had to recover before he faced the consequences, whatever they may be, according to Dumbledore.

 

Remus shrugged and tried to move away a little from Sirius but he didn’t have the energy to pull strongly enough to break the embrace. Thankfully Sirius was slightly to the side of him so he could see part of his body. He was really curious what he looked like. He sure felt terrible. He hadn’t been in this much pain since he first turned. His bones ached in a way that he had forgotten since his friends started joining him during his transformations.

 

He took his left arm out of the blankets to see and couldn’t help but make a small “oh” sound. Even after Madam Pomfrey’s care and what felt like a long time of sleeping the wounds looked horrifying. Big gashes all the way down his arm, one of them looked a full inch wide.

 

He didn’t remember much of the night; only that he’d smelt a strange human and wondered why or if his friends had come early. They waited until he transformed to come and Remus didn’t know why they would come earlier.

 

There was also a flash of an unfamiliar shape. He only saw it for a second before he transformed but it looked like a kid in a big cloak, potentially one of the Marauders hiding so they don’t get caught entering the Shack.

 

Remus wanted to ask Sirius what was going on but he couldn’t find his voice. Sirius just kept repeating “Moony, Moony, Moony,” between sobs.

 

By the time James came to visit him next day after class, Remus had already heard the story while Madam Pomfrey and Dumbledore discussed it. Pomfrey sounded furious and Dumbledore concerned. McGonagall joined the conversation as well, saying Sirius needs to be expelled and unfortunately probably Remus as well. How could they explain this to the parents?

 

When James re-told the story to a weak but awake Remus, Remus just nodded and didn’t reply for a long time.

 

“He… he can be very stupid, Remus. You know that,” James muttered nervously. Remus could tell that he was trying to be nice for Remus’ sake, not Sirius’.

 

“I know,” Remus replied softly. “I just wish _I_ hadn’t been.” Remus couldn’t say more because all his energy was going into not crying. So Sirius had done this because of an argument. Some silly thing Severus had said had set him off enough to do… this.

 

James looked down at his feet and sighed. “I can bring you homework, but Dumbledore said not to bother. You are excused of all class responsibilities for the next week.”

 

The change of subject suited Remus. “Thank you James, that’s very thoughtful. A week off doesn’t sound too bad.” Remus tried to smile.

 

“Yeah, you lucky bugger,” James tried to joke but Remus could tell he was having a hard time.

 

“Thank you for coming, James. They say I can get out in the morning so I’ll probably see you at breakfast.”

 

“Of course, you must be tired,” James nodded, “One more thing though…” James handed him a box of chocolate frogs. “From all of us.”

 

Remus was released from the hospital wing half an hour before breakfast but he didn’t want to head to the dormitory. He just wasn’t ready to be alone with them yet. He had spent the last few days thinking about The Incident over and over again. Re-thinking every conversation he had ever had with the Marauders - especially Sirius.

 

How could he not have seen this? How could he not have seen that Sirius didn’t think anything of his life? This wasn’t a mean prank or a failed test, this was his _life_.

 

When Remus did see Sirius, it was after breakfast. Sirius had waited breakfast out in the dormitory hoping Remus would drop by first. Remus was glad he hadn’t. As Remus and Peter picked up their books for the first class of the day, Sirius walked up to Remus and said “I’m so, so sorry Moony.”

 

“Think nothing of it,” Remus replied, as warmly as he could muster.

 

Sirius looked confused but didn’t have a chance to react as Remus left the room in a hurry.

 

* * *

 

 

The next month was spent with Sirius looking like a kicked dog and trying to make it up to Remus. He would be quiet during class, take notes and share them with Remus, leave chocolate frogs on Remus’ bed (that he never ate),… Anything he could think of.

 

None of it seemed to affect Remus. He just smiled and thanked Sirius.

 

They didn’t sleep together anymore, or share stolen kisses between classes. Remus had made it clear that he didn’t want any of it any more. Every time Sirius tried anything remotely romantic like holding his hand or sitting next to him, their legs brushing, Remus would move away and shake his head saying “No thank you.”

 

Finally, at the end of the month, after seeing another bag of chocolate frog be tossed to the nightstand, Sirius couldn’t take it anymore.

 

“WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME,” he shouted at Remus, who didn’t seem startled. Something about his werewolf senses probably but Remus was almost never caught off-guard, or hid it extremely well.

 

“Nothing, Sirius,” he replied softly.

 

“Why can’t you forgive me already,” Sirius pleaded, “Dumbledore has - hell, even Snivellus has, I think. He isn’t glaring at me anymore.”

 

Remus blinked very slowly as he thought about what to say. Then he licked his lips and said “I’m not angry at you, Sirius.”

 

“But you ARE! If you weren’t, we would be hugging and making out on your bed right now, not having this horrible awkward conversation-” Before Sirius could finish, James cut in:

 

“Stop it, Sirius,” he said, angrily.

 

“What? You too, now, Prongs?” Sirius’ eyes were wide and he looked like he thought everybody had gone mad.

 

“I’m only holding back for Remus’ sake, Sirius,” James growled.

 

“Holding back? What the bloody hell is _your_ problem? It got _Remus_ hurt, not you!”

 

“YOU TRIED TO MURDER MY FRIEND!”

 

“What?” Now Sirius was completely confused. Remus sat down on his bed and looked out of the window, sighing. Peter closed his book and started watching the seen with pursed lips and worry in his eyes. He had been wondering when this would happen.

 

“Merlin Padfoot you are such an _idiot_! ‘Smartest kid in Hogwarts today’ my arse!”

 

“Why am I an idiot? Yes I know I hurt him, you think I don’t know that? You don’t think I want his well-being more than any of you? I _love_ him!” His voice cracked as he shouted the last sentence.

 

“No you don’t,” Remus whispered quietly. Somehow, even with Sirius shouting, they heard. Everything stopped for a few seconds.

 

“For the last four weeks all I’ve been wanting to do is beat you up,” James snarled, “But I can’t because Moony wouldn’t want that. I’m trying my damnedest to look past it and live life normally but you have _got_ to leave him alone if you want us to get over this.”

 

“I made a mistake, why do I have to stop trying to get my boyfriend back? What’s it to you?”

 

“‘Made a mistake,’ he says! Do you even understand what you did?” Surprisingly, it was Peter who said it before James could.

 

Sirius looked down and closed his eyes. “I caused him the worst transformation he’s had since he came to Hogwarts. Pain that wouldn’t go away for days even with the best healing potions. I hurt him. Do you think I don’t know that?” He looked at Remus as he asked the question.

 

Remus didn’t reply for a while.

 

“You can let it go, James,” he said calmly, “I have.” He looked at Sirius “Is getting back together going to make things better?”

 

“Of course it is,” Sirius said slowly, still not quite getting what Remus was asking him.

 

Remus nodded. “I guess we can. Want to sleep in my bed tonight?”

 

James kicked his bed as hard as he could and walked out of the dormitory. Peter sighed and went back to his book. It was Remus’ call, after all.

 

Sirius’ shoulders dropped but he was smiling when he snuggled up to Remus in bed.

 

He didn’t notice Remus crying silently throughout the night.

 

* * *

 

Time went on and slowly things felt normal. No matter the tragedy, after enough time passes, inevitably life moves on. Remus started laughing at jokes again, but somehow Sirius didn’t notice that no matter how much Remus and their relationship recovered, Remus was more guarded than ever. He shared just enough and acted just enthusiastic enough to make Sirius think he was doing well.

 

It wasn’t that Remus wasn’t having fun or feeling happy. He was just utterly convinced that Sirius thought him an animal and he tried to enjoy his remaining time with him.

 

It took almost two years until Remus started hoping for real love again. When James was talking about moving in with Lily, Sirius asked Remus to move in with him.

 

 _Live together, after Hogwarts?_ Remus never thought this would happen. _Would Sirius really want to live with him after all the thrill of the Marauders and “forbidden love” aspect was gone? Living together after Hogwarts would be so… normal, so boring for Sirius. Why would he want that?_

 

They did move in together and after a few months Remus felt secure in their relationship for the first time in years. Maybe it was true - maybe Sirius really did mean it when he told him he loved him every night. Maybe… just maybe it was a childish mistake that Sirius had made. Maybe Remus could actually trust him again.

 

* * *

 

 

The war took a toll on all of them and no relationship was unscathed, romantic or otherwise. However it had affected Sirius and Remus in a particularly evil way; Remus had to go on long, terrifying missions to try to convert werewolves for their side and he couldn’t talk about it with anyone. The secret was killing him, more than the secret of _being_ a werewolf ever did. He wasn’t used to hiding anything from Sirius, and when he was hiding his lycanthropy at least there were a few people who knew that he could talk about it with, and Madam Pomfrey to give him chocolate when he woke up the next morning.

 

Sirius wasn’t thrilled with the arrangement either. The fact that his boyfriend had to disappear constantly for weeks on end was not only upsetting because he missed him, but because he already had very little people he could trust and it didn’t help having Remus away all the time.

 

Eventually, day by day, the trust started to wear out.

 

* * *

 

Some days were better than others, but none were pleasant. They would have sex sometimes which Remus couldn’t decide how he felt about. On one hand, feeling Sirius so close to him felt good but on the other hand he could feel the hate and mistrust with every touch, every movement. Sirius was hating him as he fucked him, not loving as he did before.

 

Remus had been surprised the first time Sirius accused him of being not trustworthy because he arrived home after work an hour after he should have.

 

As Sirius got more and more possessive and aggressive, Remus stopped fighting him. He had thought a lot about the situation they were in, and he had realized that he had been a fool to try to be an equal in the relationship. He never would be. Remus was the monster, Sirius the golden boy.

 

Of course he would hate and mistrust Remus. Could there be any other way?

 

Remus tried to act as complacent as he could. Apparated home as soon as he could. Stopped meeting up with any friends or visiting his mother. His life became missions for The Order, work and Sirius. Sirius, who never seemed happy with any of his explanations or even the way he breathed, it felt like sometimes.

 

“I told you, Padfoot, I had to stay an extra hour because they needed a translation urgently,” he sighed, taking off his boots.

 

“Don’t call me that as if we’re kids still,” Sirius replied, venom in his tone. “What was so urgent that you had to stay a full hour late?”

 

“Pad- Sirius, I am really, really tired. Can we do this later?” Remus did look tired. He had just gotten back from a mission two days ago and he had had to transform with the other werewolves. His bones were aching and he wanted to sleep. Those werewolves didn’t play nice when they transformed, and there was a lot of fighting within the pack and him as the outsider had gotten the worst of it.

 

“You’re not going anywhere until you tell me the truth,” Sirius barked as he put one hand on the wall next to Remus’ head, blocking him from moving.

 

“Sirius come on-” Remus started, annoyed but didn’t get a chance to finish his sentence.

 

All was quiet for a long time as Sirius kept staring at him, breathing heavily. A million thoughts were going through Sirius’ head as he stared at Remus. This man that he loved, this beautiful creature, why had he turned on him? He had given Remus _everything_ and had gotten betrayal in return.

 

It was almost a test, striking Remus. If he responded, Sirius would know that there was some fight left in him, something good and Moony-like. Remus may have been shy but he didn’t back from a fight when it mattered.

 

As he was thinking that, Remus made a small noise that made Sirius look into his eyes.

 

Sirius wished he hadn’t as soon as he did.

 

Remus’ eyes were void of emotion. There was no light in them, even in this bright room. Remus looked completely defeated. Sirius had seen that look before. He couldn’t recall when.

 

He let his arm drop and Remus walked away slowly.

 

“I’ll move out in the morning,” Sirius said, just loud enough for Remus to here.

 

“Don’t leave me here alone,” Remus replied, tears rolling down his cheeks. “Please.” He didn’t know why he was asking Sirius to stay when he knew in his heart that Sirius didn’t love him anymore. He still couldn’t bear the thought of him leaving. Even across the house just feeling Sirius’ presence made things better.

 

 _I can’t have this temptation_ , Sirius thought, _I can’t get James killed because I am blinded by love._

 

**When all those shadows almost killed your light**

**I remember you said, "Don't leave me here alone, "**

 

* * *

 

 

When Remus saw Sirius again for the first after all these years, he wasn’t quite sure how to react. Thankfully, they had a task at hand so he let the moment lead him.

 

When Remus saw Sirius again at his doorstep two months later, it was another story. He had no idea what to do. All those years, all the history between them… Where to even start?

 

Sirius wasn’t much better. He apologized and felt bad, but for all the wrong things, as usual. He talked to Remus at length about how he got tricked by Peter, how devastated he felt about Lily and James and oh how could he let Harry still live with those monsters, why could he not be a real godfather to him.

 

Remus offered Sirius tea (and hot water and food), and listened.

 

After two days, Sirius was finally done talking about everybody else. Now he wanted to talk about Remus. He looked up from his lunch plate nervously and asked “So how - how was it, without me?” His first question about Remus.

 

Even after years of solitude, Sirius still hadn’t stopped thinking about himself and his own suffering first which was, at this point, fascinating to Remus more than anything else. When Sirius asked about him - even if it was after two days - Remus was pleasantly surprised.

  
“Alright, I s’pose,” he replied, “You know how it is, being a werewolf. Registry, can’t get much work, all that stuff.” Sirius looked sad. “Otherwise good, though,” Remus added, trying not to sound too depressing.

 

“Have you - you know -” Sirius didn’t know how to finish the sentence.

 

Ah of course, now it made sense. Sirius wanted to know if his toy had been tainted. “I’ve had partners, if that’s what you’re trying to ask,” Remus replied coldly. In fact he had had only one real partner, but he didn’t want to give Sirius any satisfaction.

 

“I’m glad,” Sirius responded to Remus’ surprise.

 

They kept eating for another minute before Sirius talked again. “I was so afraid of you being alone,” he continued, “When I was in there. About everybody in my life the dementors served me a different flavor of pain but about you it was almost always about you being alone.”

 

“I’m doing alright,” Remus said weakly. He wasn’t sure what else to say.

 

“The day I left you… You asked me not to. You asked me not to leave you alone.” Tears were running down his cheeks now. “And I did. I left you, Moony. All alone.”

 

Remus gritted his teeth, trying not to cry himself. What could he say? There was so much pain in their past. He had been ignoring it since Sirius came back, thinking he wouldn’t be strong enough after Azkaban, thinking there would be nothing left of their relationship worth saving. He didn’t know how to handle this.

 

“I made a mistake trusting Peter, I know,” he continued, “And I paid very dearly for it. Prongs - James - my best friend, the person who saved me from the nightmare of my family gone, just like that, and it was all my fault.”

 

Remus had heard all this before, why was Sirius repeating them now?

 

“But the mistakes I have made with you… I have never truly paid for them, have I? Sure I was trapped in Azkaban but not because of what I did to you. Not because I didn’t trust you.” Sirius stopped crying and looked at Remus for a few moments before continuing. “Reliving my worst memories, I thought very often of every single fight we had, big and small. A few of them the dementors liked the best - they hurt the most and also confused me. After I left Azkaban, I still dwelled on them because for a long time my happy memories refused to come back to me.

 

“One of them that I couldn’t stop thinking about was that night, in fifth year-”

 

“Why are we talking about this,” Remus asked nervously. He certainly didn’t want to open up wounds from that long ago.

 

“James said he wanted to beat me up when I tried to apologize to you. He said I had tried to ‘kill his friend.’ I remember is clear as day, and I also remember how confused I had been. Yes your injuries were bad but surely you wouldn’t kill yourself?

 

“It wasn’t until we had a werewolf come in to Azkaban that I understood. He had gotten into somebody’s owlery and killed half a dozen owls. He was sent to Azkaban for that.” Sirius took a deep breath before he could continue. “I talked with him for a short time when he first arrived, before he - before he couldn’t talk anymore. And he told me.” His eyes darted to Remus’ face and back down on his plate, embarrassed. “I didn’t know,” he whispered, “I didn’t know, Remus.”

 

It was Remus’ turn to be confused. He wanted to laugh, when he understood. Sirius didn’t know that he would have been executed. Sirius didn’t know that one scratch on a human would have gotten Remus imprisoned for life. How could he not know? How could Sirius, who had read so many books about lycanthropy not know any of the laws about it?

 

“You had no obligation to know,” Remus replied, not knowing what else to say. In truth, he had every expectation that his _boyfriend_ would have known something like that, but he did not say this out loud.

 

“James knew,” Sirius replied bitterly. “Hell, Even Wormt— that bastard knew. Everything they had said to me back then, all their glares, it all suddenly made sense as soon as I knew.”

 

Remus didn’t reply. He kept playing with the food on his plate, not daring to look up at Sirius.

 

“I would never have done if I had known, Moony,” he continued, not even realizing that he had used the nickname. “You have to believe me, I would not have,” he pleaded. “If you had been killed, I would have killed myself right after. I couldn’t live in a world without you.”

 

Remus didn’t reply.

 

“I loved you with all my heart. You must believe that Moony - please. Please believe me. I was an idiot kid that didn’t think past Snape being scared and running away.

  
“I was an idiot Moony, but I loved you, I swear.”

 

 _You made me feel like the monster that I am,_ Remus wanted to say. Y _ou made me go back to feeling worthless after 4 years of illusion of a real life. I never felt ‘normal’ or ‘good’ after that day. Not until… Not until you tricked me again. You made me believe you loved me, only to remind me that you still saw only a monster in me. Again._

 

The silence as Remus thought to himself made Sirius even more nervous. “Moony, say something.”

 

“I was in a lot of pain,” Remus said carefully. “You made me… You made me feel like a monster.”

 

“But you’re not,” Sirius whispered as he got off of his chair and put his hand on Remus’ shoulder, unable to help himself. Remus flinched and Sirius took his hand away. “You’re not, you never were. If anything, I was. I sent a kid to get killed because he made me angry. Can you imagine, Remus? He wasn’t much older than Harry is now.”

 

“None of us were,” Remus replied, trying to keep his composure.

 

“Is that why you-” It sounded like Sirius was at a loss for words. After years of thinking, Remus would have thought Sirius knew everything he wanted to say. “Is that why you didn’t fight for us? Because I made you - made you feel like a monster?”

 

“Which time?” Remus gave a soft chuckle after he said it.

 

“Second. Both, I guess. But mostly second. When I… when we were… When I suspected you.”

 

“You had every reason to suspect me,” Remus replied in a matter-of-fact voice. “I was a werewolf and you guys were all human. Why wouldn’t I betray you?”

 

The words seemed to have physically hurt Sirius, as he flinched back slightly. “You know it wasn’t like that between us,” he said weakly, understanding the meaning behind Remus’ words.

 

“It was, though,” Remus continued, looking up at Sirius, anger in his eyes, “I was your exciting werewolf toy to play with and send your enemies to so I could kill them. I was a… a _thing_.” Remus found that once he started talking, he couldn’t stop. “It was clear that you didn’t see me as an equal, and I accepted that, I let you back into my heart - how could I then hold the same thing against you?”

 

He managed to stop himself when he saw Sirius start crying again.

 

“Merlin Remus I swear I-” Sirius paused. “I swear to you it was never like that. I was just jealous and confused and - and I thought that you not fighting for us meant you didn’t love me. I thought you didn’t love me and that made me so angry and sad. I was scared that you would use my love against you. Even when I suspected you, I would have done anything for you. That’s… That’s why I couldn’t be the secret keeper. How could I keep any secret from you, the love of my life?”

 

And that day, very slowly, old wounds began to heal. Sirius held tightly onto Remus that night, as if he would run away if Sirius let go of his grip for a moment.

 

“I will protect you from now on, Moony, I promise. Even from myself. I won’t let you get hurt.” Remus thought it sounded as much a promise to Sirius himself as Remus.

 

Once again, Remus felt his guard lower and his heart open up.

 

All the pain was in the past now.

 

**But all that's dead and gone and passed tonight**

**Just close your eyes**

**The sun is going down**

**You'll be alright**

**No one can hurt you now**

**Come morning light**

**You and I'll be safe and sound**

 

* * *

 

 

By the time they were at Grimmauld’s place, they had fallen back into old habits, and developed new ones. Their morning cuddles felt much like the ones they had when they were fourteen - including the morning erections that were easily handled in a few minutes. Back then, from inexperience, now, from lack of practice.

 

The new habits they had gotten were mostly about comforting each other - shoulder massages, Remus writing letters for Sirius whose hands trembled still, and so on.

 

At least now they didn’t have to live apart as often. Until Remus came here, he had been living in his old flat and for security reasons Sirius could not stay there long. Once The Order was fully functional and able to give him shelter and food, Remus dropped his muggle job and immediately moved in. They had spent enough years apart, they didn’t need more.

 

* * *

 

 

Not being able to fight was agitating Sirius, but Remus was glad. The current ‘fight’ involved mostly talking to unpleasant people (and creatures) and not much action. It was boring and dangerous at the same time, somehow.

 

And here within these walls, Sirius was safe. If they ignored what was going on outside, they could keep sharing these moments of happiness. Joking over coffee about how much sugar one really needs to survive, playing harmless jokes on other Order members. Almost like they used to be…

 

**Don't you dare look out your window, darling.**

**Everything's on fire**

**The war outside our door keeps raging on**

 

* * *

 

 

Sirius’ thoughts were similar, and the reason for most of his agitation. If he could keep Remus and Harry safe, he would rather never leave this place but he knew he couldn’t, not sitting on his arse.

 

Sirius looked over at the sleeping silhouette of his lover and took a deep breath. How could he have hurt a creature so fragile, so beautiful? His eyes glazed over the scars. Some he knew were from long before they met, some from The Incident - he winced at the thought, and many after he had left. He had left Remus all alone, and whatever he himself had not broken, life after him had.

 

Once out of Azkaban, Sirius had finally read up on everything he should have known about werewolves before. The things that his gentle lover had to go through were unbelievable, even without any wrongdoing as an excuse. The branding, in particular, seemed a cruel joke to Sirius. The most gentle soul he ever knew was branded for being too dangerous. The touched Remus’ wrist softly, feeling the ridges of the magical tattoo he had been forced to endure when he turned 17.

 

Remus hadn’t even told Sirius when it happened. Or rather, not everything. He had told Sirius that to work in magical circles he needed it.

 

He didn’t tell Sirius he would need it regardless; he was forced to bear it. He didn’t tell Sirius that they made sure it hurt, when there was every option to make it painless. He didn’t tell Sirius that it was also used to track him and hurt him if need be.

 

He also hadn’t told him - not until a short while ago - that it was the thought of his friends and the life they offered him that kept him going. He told Sirius that as they put the mark on, he closed his eyes and thought about all the good times they had had at Hogwarts. How he was moving in with Sirius, having an actual life. Something he hadn’t dared hope for before. He held on to all the good thoughts he could muster as they tried to break him.

 

Even after Sirius left - even after James and Lily died, Remus still held on to those memories. Sirius, more than most, understood how good bittersweet memories can be, and was glad that Remus found some sort of comfort in them, as twisted as they were.

 

The good times, the life they had had was gone. That happiness was the sort that they would never have again. But they had their memories.

 

**Hold onto this lullaby**

**Even when the music's gone**

**Gone**

 

* * *

 

 

Sirius could not believe his luck that he had Remus back, even after what was now more than a year of living with him. Waking up to him more nights than not. He would do everything he could now to keep him and Harry safe, no matter what. And he would never again make the mistake of hurting Remus by his own doing again, and he would keep Remus safe.

 

**Just close your eyes**

**The sun is going down**

**You'll be alright**

**No one can hurt you now**

**Come morning light**

**You and I'll be safe and sound**


End file.
